So, everyone knows that you can drink before you hump. But we have invested a good deal of time and effort into finding other more mobile methods of alcohol utilization. The Mountain Fountain Plus R/T features a 2L Big Zip water reservoir with a secure wide-opening zip closure for quick, easy filling, cleaning, and adding ice-cubes. The liquid reservoir bag is made of durable 3-layer RF-welded food grade plastic laminate, and comes with a 105 cm high-flow intake tube and bite valve. This pack retails for around $48 Canadian, but who knows shop around for a less significant name, we just fancy the quality.
 

"The Screwdriver"

  • 1 Part Vodka
  • 1 Part Orange Juice
  
 
 
Oh Vodka, sweet alcoholized potatoes. What better friend could we find for you than Orange Juice, the crazy yet stable drink of our childhoods and present day. Their flavours gloriously mixed produce one of the best drinks money, my body, or any other form of barter can buy. When accurately entwined they glow with an unmistakable lustre, often I hear the lovely couple calling to me…. "Drink me" then its quiet…. "Drink me please". I give in, damn it I give in every time. So should you, personally I think screwdrivers have made me a better person. You too can reach an elevated plateau, better all there is to be bettered about yourself. Now the bestest most fantabulous super-fantastic thing about it all is. We have taken this everyday (morning, noon and night) drink and altered two exceedingly vital things. Firstly, no matter what your sexually deprvived girlfriend tells you/no matter how much your friends tell you guys like small boobs, SIZE DOES MATTER. That is why we have taken a common drink size and inflated it to just under 2 L. (around half a gallon to you americans with your great system that all Canadians seem to know, yet do you know ours? No. Did you see how I capitalized Canadians and not americans? Yeah, there's a little payback for my fellow countrymen) Now where was I, oh yes, its mammoth, freaking enormous, so colossal it could part the waters. Secondly, we have made it entirely transportable. That's right. You hump, it hump. See below.
 
Remember!
CITRUS JUICE COMPOSITION DOES NOT INFLUENCE RADIATION SENSITIVITY OF SALMONELLA ENTERITIDIS
As seen in the pictorial diagram we first mixed our Vodka and orange juice in a large glass. Then upon being granted the right blend by the divine mix spirits we pour (very carefully) our screwdriver into the big ol' bag. Be sure to sample to assure the entire glass is evenly distributed. Sample many times. We spot tested our drink 34 times, you might call it over precautious, but damn it ended up being a first-class drink. Celebrate the achievement with this step with a beer.
 
Now this can be tricky if you've filled it as chock-full as we all trust you have. The bag filled with hump concentrate needs to be deposited in its lovely carrying backpack. Now if you are struggling, before you spill, go get the damn Vasoline off your headboard and lube the bag up, it will slither in there like a wet dream. Now before you get a little to into the moment, go wash your hands. Pervert. Now zip up the backpack and shake vigorously, then shake a little more vigorously. With this sweet nectar strapped onto your spine you just can't go wrong. However, now you are faced with a very daunting dilemma. Shall I share? In our hearts and in the spirit of Humpfest we think yes! Although it is fun for your friends to watch you stumble around ignorant to your surroundings and actions it is just as fun to watch them do the same with you. Also, as explained above there is plenty to go around.
 
Ok, now listen carefully. No more carefully. There, that's better. The strap on the left side of the backpack (Strap A) will be tossed over your left shoulder. Strap B (note for retarded: Right Strap) should be put on your left shoulder. If you just tried this, I am laughing at you and your future kin now for they are doomed to live in the same inadequate IQ life style you do. Strap B on right shoulder. Now if you chose your pack wisely as we did you will also have a balance control modulation attachment (waist strap) to attach. This is very simple, insert tab A into slot B. I find this strap gives me ultra human abilities when trying to balance in difficult spots, or depending on amount left in backpack, flat ground. So get out there and hump. You are geared up, now let everyone suck on your tube and a fine time will be had by all.
 
 
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